one sentence, that ended my "natural" people pleasing

Some years ago I was convinced, that I was a good human being, because I was willing to go way beyond myself to "help" someone else.

And I also believed that everyone could be helped. The idea that someone would lie about healing, just to be comfortable in my energy didn't occur to me. Deeper than that, the idea that someone doesn't want to change, heal or be happier, didn't exist in my world..?!

So I carried people's trouble on my shoulders literally like it was my job. I over-cared for others and forgot about myself. But the twisted thing in my head was, I thought I was being myself - I thought it was my nature to just care more than others. And that it was some kind of duty, to use my knowledge and my skills. So while I completely ignored my self I thought I was caring for me, by caring for others. That was my entire world. Then I made a new friend and it didn't take long until she dropped this sentence on me:

"Just because you can, doesn't mean you have to"

My brain couldn't quite handle it at the moment, and still I remember it opening something in me. The following conversations shifted my perspective on healing, life and the universe completely. And the obligations I had put on myself, disappeared slowly and gently. Or sometimes not so gentle. And then I started seeing people in a different light. I started seeing them for what they really were, and not through my "everyone wants to be happy" lenses. That was highly uncomfortable. With every new person that I met I was a bit anxious - who would they turn out to be?

This perspective took a heavy weight from me, that has been there for so long that I called it "natural". I needed several years to recover from this. And still, it gave me my power back, and also everyone else's power back to them. Though most would not recognize or appreciate that. Because it comes with the responsibility for their own choices.

I reminded myself often in this process. I even said it to others, when I noticed a similar obligation to carry everything for everyone.

"Just because you can, doesn't mean you have to."

Funny enough, this was also the first time I learned to truly acknowledge what I am capable of. I realized "Wow, I CAN actually do this - and it's my choice if I'd like to."

What I was doing blindly and with little success (people never changed, did they?) suddenly got the chance to turn into a gift - in all ways. I could use my time and energy for me, and my skills for those who were actually willing to receive it. And I could acknowledge the choices of others as their responsibility and their use of their personal freedom. Even if they complained about their life all day long. I started seeing it as a their choice, not something that I need to lighten up for them. Some people like to use their power in that way, and that's okay.

I stopped seeing the world and it's people as something that needs changing or saving.

And started seeing that everyone is just choosing what they are choosing, consciously or unconsciously, that's none of my business. Who am I to judge what other people do with their life?

That was easy, actually, to not judge what other people choose. It was a bit harder to stop judging me for changing my perspective in this way. Or judging me for not having changed it earlier. There's always something to judge myself for. Especially for choosing something just for me. And that's the whole bottom line, that started this mess: The assumption that I am always wrong, and everyone else is always right (and like a hundred thousands variations of this, and how that puts me in eternal debt towards everyone...yeah, right)

Does any of that sound familiar to you?

Maybe it's time for a change of perspective?

(I found out that's not true by the way, there is no right or wrong...but that will be another post)